Project Blue Sky - Domestic Violence Information Homepage

For Friends and Family

Know the facts
Do not give advice or judge. Talk to her about options
Physical safety is the first priority. If you believe she is in danger, tell her. Help her plan an emergency exit
Allow her to feel the way she does and support her decisions. Let her talk about the caring aspects of the relationship as well. Don't try to diminish her feelings about her partner. Don't criticize her for staying with him, but share information on how abuse increases over time without intervention
Let her know she is not to blame for the abuse, does not have to put up with it and that she is not alone. Discuss how the violence affects the children
Be encouraged that every time she reaches out for help she is gaining the emotional strength needed to make effective decisions. She may be too fearful and immobilized or confused to take any step immediately
Although police can be asked to accompany a woman returning home to retrieve personal belongings, encourage her to be prepared for the possibility of leaving home in a hurry.
She should have necessary documents or photocopies ready, as well as important items such as:
- credit cards
- cash, bank books
- passport, birth certificates, citizenship papers
- house keys
- medication
- children's favourite toy, clothes etc.
Never recommend joint family or marital counselling in situations of emotional or physical abuse. It is dangerous for the woman and will not lead to a resolution that is in her interest. Encourage separate counselling for the man and woman if they want counselling
Do not place yourself in danger by confronting the assaultive man